Forgiveness

I was speaking with a friend of mine. She's a very wise woman and we were talking about relationships.

Ok, no big surprise - I *often* talk about relationships.

I made the statement that, in my opinion, it's not really likely to fall into a new relationship until the old one is really behind you. With so many people who have had transitions in their relationships, I thought it was a worthwhile thing to share.

"To complete an old relationship, you need to do more than paperwork," I said. "Oh, you *do* need to do the paperwork but you need to do more. You need to forgive him (or her) for whatever you're left holding onto and.. One final thing - you need to forgive yourself. You need to forgive yourself for anything you are still holding onto. Perhaps you need to forgive yourself for getting into the relationship in the first place, for not trusting the signs that you saw and thought about later and didn't see, for not getting out earlier, for hurting those around you, for what you did to hurt him (or her). Whatever it is - you need to forgive yourself if you want to make enough space in your heart for someone new."

I'd been thinking about this conversation today and, just having it made a big contribution to me. I'd been holding onto a pissed off argument with my Aunt since the holidays. I'd told several friends that I intended to *never* apologize or really *ever* speak to her again. I know, I know, sounds like a 4-year old.

Anyway - I was stuck having to drop something off at her house today and while in the car, I recalled my conversation with my friend from last night. I decided that what was really missing here was my forgiveness, not my apology - so I forgave her in the car. Sure enough - we had a very nice couple of minutes together, are back on speaking terms and despite my expectation, I feel a bit better about myself and the whole thing.

So there's the challenge - need to open space in your heart for someone else? Have you tried forgiveness? Of them … *and* of yourself?