Wednesday, November 23, 2011

I find it all ironic. . . .

Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life. Aug 23rd was a Tuesday

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change, you'll no longer define your life by how you've been hurt.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Surrender is the only option

I recently made a post about betrayal, and how it made me feel. I also recently had a conversation about it, in which I opened up again about how I feel about the subject of Honest, Trust, Loyalty and Betrayal in which someone else told me this . . .

I am putting it here to remind myself of what it means to surrender and what must happen for that to take place.

<Name Left Blank> In my opinion there are two things that stand in the way of a kajira's surrender
<Name Left Blank> When she does not know the nature of the person she is giving away. And when she does not know the nature of the person she is giving herself to.
<Name Left Blank> Being lied to is in the second category.
<Name Left Blank> For surrender you need trust. And for trust you need a man strong enough to be honest.
<Name Left Blank> When you lie to someone you mold the world around their expectations, and you are a slave to them and to the situation.

Very Interesting points, indeed.

I thought the issue was my jealousy  . . . .  apparently it isn't.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

For your own protection

Words of wisdom from beth

#44

your self identity should be so strong that when someone walks away from you, they don't take you with them.

Words of wisdom from beth

#43

The reason people find it so hard to be happy is they find the past to be better than it was and the present to be worse than it is.

Words of wisdom from beth

#42

People are like music.

Some speak the truth.
Some are just background noise.

Words of wisdom from beth

#41

I've done alot of thinking about Jealousy this week.

Women always seem to compete. Competing is about comparing yourself to others.

Don't compare yourself to others, that's when you lose confidence in yourself.

Words of wisdom from beth

#40

Closeness has nothing to do with Distance and everything to do with Intimacy.

Words of wisdom from beth

#39

Don't overthink.
You'll create a problem that wasn't really there.

Words of wisdom from beth

#38

You can't lose what you never had
You can't keep what was never yours
and you can't make someone stay who wants to go.

Words of wisdom from beth

#37

Don't cry because the left, smile . . .

because they gave  you an opportunity to find someone better.

Words of wisdom from beth

#36

Be happy in front of people who don't like you.

It KILLS them.

Words of wisdom from beth

#35

Learn to let go of things you can not control.

Words of wisdom from beth

#34

When you put faith, hope and love together . . . you can raise positive kids in a negative world.

Become a You Tube Sensation, and make it on the Ellen show!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Ignorance is bliss

Sometimes knowing too much overwhelms you with thoughts and you can’t seem to stop thinking about a particular issue. Then you’d wish you never knew.

The term does not necessarily mean ignorant of literal surroundings or events but instead ignorant of worries and suffering.

Now, I am left perplexed, exactly what was it about the situation that left me worried and suffering?

I think, I felt I had been lied too, betrayed. I don't even think this was about jealousy, I think this was more about honesty and how I felt I wasn't getting it.

Monday, November 14, 2011

The Puppet Master Series


Master downloaded The Puppet Master Series for me to watch, all 9 of them. For those of you who don't know it, I adore horror movies as much as I do sex . . . . okay, that was a stretch, but funny :)

The Puppet Master is your typical B rated movie, with a low budget and bad writing, it reminds me of a badly written porno. Surprisingly though, I enjoyed every minute of it! LOL

Immortals



Immortals is a movie that I really had been looking forward to for quite some time, plus when you hear that the 300 producers are on board you know that you are going to be in for a visual treat.

And that is exactly what you get, this movie is visually very beautiful as the CGI has been crafted with a real sense of care, giving it the feel of an old epic.

Much like 300 the movie is about the battle and the violence rather than having a deep and meaningful story, and artistic licences were taken when it comes to the story of mythology, but it is an entertaining ride all the same.

Henry Cavill has plenty to do from a physical perspective in this movie, and it has to be said he looks incredible, but there is not much in terms of character development, and the really great movies develop characters and make you feel for the people involved in the movies.

Mickey Rourke is perfectly cast as King Hyperion; cruel, evil, violent Rourke really does embody this character and brings a real air of menace to the role, I loved him when he was younger and am glad to see him making a come back.

But what is very disappointing about the movie is the real lack of action from the Gods, there’s only one major scene coming towards the end of the film - which I think is a major shame, so much more could have been done. I look forward to a second movie and much more action from them.

Singh must be congratulated for the stunning spectacle that he has created with this movie if the script and the characters could have matched the look of the film then we would have been in for one hell of a ride. I watched a clip on tv about the extensive care taken to make sure the fight scenes were not chopping and edited too much, which I like because nothing ruins a movie more than choppy fight scenes.

Having said that Immortals is a fast paced story, if a little simple, but it is a fun movie that really does transport you to another world and is highly entertainable, and that is what makes it good, but it had the potential to be great.

Immortals was much better than last year’s Clash of the Titans remake but it failed to reach the dizzy heights of the fab 300.

But I still think it kicked ass and I highly recommend it!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

An Investment

I went into the city today and gave into buying some shoes. 120 dollar shoes. Shoes that are ugly beyond comprehension. Now that I am working, I walk about 5 miles a day at least. I had to invest in them.

Alegria Paloma Shoes

Fear

I feel like I have a muzzle on my mouth that I chose to put there for safety purposes, but I don't like it at all because that's just not who I am. I want to rip it off!!! The truth is...I'm afraid to. My solace is in knowing that my true self will ultimately win over my fear

Music Flashback



Tina Turner - what you see is what you get

Sunny Sweeney - A Good ole Texan



From A Table Away




Everybody Else can Kiss my Ass



Drink myself Single




Stayin is worse than Leavin
This is Sunny Sweeney, I adore her. She is so down to earth and very funny. I had the luxury of meeting her and hearing her play a while back in Birmingham  and although these videos are not mine, I was present that day and am glad someone got it on video. Here are some of my favorite songs of hers.

Besides, ya gotta love a girl who chews gum, drinks and has a cross on her guitar strap while singing. :)

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

I keep forgetting

This is a song I have many a times drank too when I was getting over an ex.

Books

Have you read more than 6 of these books? The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books listed here. 

• Bold those books I've read in their entirety.
• Italicize the ones I've started but didn't finish or read only an excerpt.

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte 
Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare 
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier 
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell 
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy 
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis 
34 Emma -Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres 
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins 
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafo
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce 
76 The Inferno - Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Did your conscience bother you?

People are predictable, I really wish they weren't.

You should've lied to me baby.

You overestimated me, thinking I would understand, believing that your honesty would make me see a bigger person.

You should've tried a little bit harder, baby.

zombies

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Observation

the longest days are the ones spent waiting for the one you love.

Words of wisdom from beth

#33

Learn to admit your mistakes, before someone else exaggerates them.

scrabble words for the day

addax : Large antelope with lightly spiraled horns of desert regions of northern Africa

cylix : A shallow drinking cup with two handles; used in ancient Greece

gox : gaseous oxygen

Words of wisdom from beth

#32

a relationship without trust is like a car without gas.

you can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere.

Music - Nickel Back

Words of wisdom from beth

#31

Men have two emotions

Hungry and Horny

if you see him without an erection. . .

make him a sammich.

Words of wisdom from beth

#30

Don't take me for granted, unlike others, i'm not afraid to walk away.

Words of wisdom from beth

#29

People believe that if you love someone hard enough, then everything is gonna work out. . .

they're wrong.

Words of wisdom from beth

#28

Don't be so quick to believe everything you hear

Lies spread faster than truth.

Words of wisdom from beth

#27

When your past calls . . .

let it go to voicemail.

It really has nothing new to say, anyhow.

Words of wisdom from beth

#26

Worrying  is like walking around with an open umbrella, waiting for it to rain. seems a bit silly doesn't it?

Words of wisdom from beth

#25

You have to do what is right for you
even if it means hurting those you love.

Respect

I really respect those who stay strong when they had every right to breakdown.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Words of wisdom from beth

#24

I see alot of girls running around claiming to be kajira.

I see alot of boys running around claiming to be Men.

Stop trying to be something you're not. You'll end up with something you don't want.


Haven't you learned already?

Investment Insurance

Pardon me if it seems like I'm always sweating you
I just feel I gotta do it before I start investing in you

The Chase

And now it begins, you will see.
Once you are gone
my game gets stronger
In love with pursuit

I will seduce you with ink,
blot out the night
and invent new stars.

I will sew you to my side
nevermore shall you roam,
without the outline of my chase
branded on your heart.

my heart

My heart is a mermaid with a necklace of anchors

Thursday, November 3, 2011

100 things about me - 25 - 50

25. I have a fear of toe stubbing. I seem to do it all the time. (Translation: I’m a klutz)

26. i brush my teeth in the shower

27. i have eaten while sitting on the toilet. what goes in must come out.

28. i am very artistic and creative. I wish i went to art school.29. I never thought it would happen, but I can’t keep up with the latest songs, artists or what’s on the radio. in highschool, i could tell you the top 25 in every genre.

30. I give great advice to others and never seem to listen to my own.

31. I have been accused of being a know it all.

32. I love playing 9 ball.

33. I don't believe in soul mates.

34. I still don't know what size bra I should be wearing. I'm 33.

35. I always have to get popcorn when I watch a movie.

36. I really hate knick knacks, it's just more shit to dust off and means more cleaning.

37. Every time there is an NCIS marathon, I seem to be watching it, even though I don't particularly care for NCIS.

38. my middle name is Ann, and it runs in the family.

39. my sun sign is Pisces. my moon sign is Leo.

40. I've been white water rafting.

41. I've been on the vomit comet.

42. I don't have any children and once was very depressed about it and thought it meant I had no worth as a female.

43. I have a fear of drowning.

44. I'm good at solving twisty logic problems

45. But I suck at straight forward math.

46. Like Scout from “To Kill a Mockingbird”, I don’t remember ever not knowing how to read.

47. I dislike perfume, scented candles and most other artificially scented products

48. When it comes to money, i;ve been richer than most, and now i'm poorer than most.

49. I don't understand why people crave final answers and certainty. Nobody wants to go into a physical space and stay there for their entire life. They want to move around and see different things. So why do they feel any different about mental spaces?

50. It's difficult to make me truly angry, but someone who succeeds would be surprised by how long I can hold a grudge. It is, however, tremendously easy to annoy me. Some people do it by merely existing.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Words of wisdom from beth

#23

pay no mind to those who talk behind your back, it only means you're two steps ahead of them :P

Words of wisdom from beth

#22

Consistency : is the virtue of character.

and it is only a virtue if you're not fucking up to begin with.

cool tattoo

VNN

Funny

Words of wisdom from beth

#25

An argument is to find out

who is right

A discussion is to find out

what is right.

Words of wisdom from beth

#24

it takes knowledge to stop doing something wrong.
but
it takes wisdom to keep doing something right

Words of wisdom from beth

#23

When you think about it, Rock bottom is the best place to really start over. When you are on the bottom there really is no place to go but UP.

Words of wisdom from beth

#22

Love is absolute loyalty.
Looks fade, money gets spent.
Time gets used.
a loyal person is dependable and always there when you need them, you can set your watch to them.
to me that's love, even if it's not very exciting.

Words of wisdom from beth

#21

People inevitably want you more after you have moved on, don't sacrifice what you have because they missed their chance!

Words of wisdom from beth

#20

Do more than belong, participate.
Do more than care, help.
Do more than believe, practice.
Do more than be fair, be kind.
Do more than forgive, forget.
Do more than submit, surrender.

Surrender is the only option

Words of wisdom from beth

#19

Jealousy is when we court someone else's blessings instead of our own.

Words of wisdom from beth

#18

We always ignore the ones who adore us and adore the ones who ignore us.

Words of wisdom from beth

#17

sometimes the person who gives you strength is your biggest weakness.

ya know . . .

The problem isn't that we don't get to spend any time together anymore . . . .

it's when we are together,

neither of us are really there.

sighs . . . .

off to the grind stone . . . .

Words of wisdom from beth

#16

Most people, like myself . . .

are made entirely of flaws

and stitched together

with good intentions.

Words of wisdom from beth

#15

SEX

it takes the least amount of time

and causes the most amount of trouble.

Words of wisdom from beth

#14

I believe there are three constants in life

Everyone has

an irreversible regret

an unreachable dream

and an

unforgettable love.

Words of wisdom from beth

#13

Women say all the time

Real men are hard to find

the truth of the matter is . . .

they come across those men all the time, and they simply didn't interest them.

Words of wisdom from beth

#12

Life is full of fake people, before you start judging them,

make sure you aren't one of them.

Words of wisdom from beth

#11

The real difference between the mind and the heart is . . .

Your mind tells you the smart thing to do,
and your heart . . .

it tells you what you are going to do anyway . . .

Monday, October 31, 2011

late night find . . .

scrabble words for the day

urease - an enzyme found in many beans

ahi - a type of tuna found in hawaii

arti - a cardinal point on a compass

li - philosophical concept of principle

i have become a scrabble addict!

100 things about me - 1 - 25

1.  I listen to Happy music when I'm sad, and sad music when I'm happy.

2.  I am the procrastination QUEEN.

3. My favorite type of chocolate is white chocolate.

4. I prefer to sit on the floor than on furniture.

5.  I actually like Ramen noodles, and could eat them all week and not be tired of them.

6. I can't tell time on a clock unless it is digital.

7. I am a Dr. Pepper  and Root Beer fanatic

8. I adore Sushi and Sashimi

9. I am a salad queen.

10.  I used to be REALLY fat, I've lost over 193 pounds.

11. I have a mans initials on my chest, it's kinda like asking you to use a hand towel with someone else's monogram on it.

12. I've always wanted to be pierced, but I'm scared to death of needles.

13. I have 4 tattoos all of butterfly's

14 . I'm obsessed with butterfly's

15. I am riddled with scars and very ashamed of all of them.

16. I used to be a dominant and owned someone for 2 years.

17. I have exchanged sex for favors and money.

18. I have not worn panties in over a decade.

19. Giving a Blow job is my favorite thing to do, next to having anal sex.

20. Greasy pizza over Greasy Chinese, any day. But cold pizza still rocks.

21. I am an action, horror and historical movie fanatic.

22. Some of my favorite movies are weird, like Memento, Fight club and Boon Dock Saints, Lion in Winter and 300.

23. I look for bdsm analogies in my music and movies.

24. I love to sing, even if I can't hold a note.

25. If I had been born blonde with big boobs, I'd be a stripper, a las vegas show girl, or a porn star.

I'm infatuated with this tumblr . . .

adorable poly couples

Promise


He reached for her with the promise that her heart sung for.

Words of wisdom from beth

#10

I can't tell you the SECRET TO SUCCESS  . . . 
I can however tell you the SECRET TO FAILURE . . . 

Trying to please everyone.

Words of wisdom from beth

#9

You know life is WORTH THE STRUGGLE
when you look back on what YOU LOST
 and realize what you have NOW IS WAY BETTER
than what you had BEFORE.

Words of wisdom from beth

#8

Even though no one can go back in the past and make a brand NEW START,
anyone can start from now and make a brand NEW ENDING.

Words of wisdom from beth

#7

Women in relationships are like the POLICE
they can have all the evidence in the WORLD
and STILL want a CONFESSION


Sunday, October 30, 2011

Home is when ever i'm with you

There's a fire . . . .

Words of wisdom from beth

#6

Girls fall in love with what they HEAR.
Boys fall in love with what they SEE.

This explains why girls wear make-up 
and
boys tell you whatever you want to hear
 to get into your pants.

Words of wisdom from beth

#5

SILENCE is a woman's LOUDEST cry.
When she's SILENT,
there's a million things running through her mind 
and shes at her BREAKING POINT.

Words of wisdom from beth

#4

SOMETIMES
you just have to distance yourself from people.
 If they care, they'll NOTICE,
 if they don't well, then YOU will. 

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Words of wisdom from beth

#3

It's funny to watch people RUN from those who try to make them happy, and FIGHT for the ones that make them sad.

Words of wisdom from beth

#2

It's better to love someone who's far and still CRAVES to be with you, than to be with someone who's near and doesn't even CARE to see you for who you are.

Words of wisdom from beth

#1

Sometimes it's easier to pretend it doesn't BOTHER YOU, than to admit it's KILLING YOU..

This Song . . . .

God this song . . .

Mumford and Sons, i've become addicted to them.

Regret

People who know me will tell you i often say what is on my mind and have no filter from head to mouth.

I've been accused of always voicing my opinion when i should be silent.

I do not however share my actual feelings as much as I would like to.

I'll talk a lot, I'll create meaningless conversation, but substance is often lacking. Truth of the matter is, I am often embarrassed by how I feel, and often think my feelings are inappropriate. That if people really knew how I felt about others and situations, they would think me a horrible person.

I am overwhelmed. I almost had a moment today, about two hours ago, I sat with a bottle of pain pills for the second time in three days, I had five in my hand-and it hit me. This is myself trying to get my own attention, to shake myself awake, to return to realization. That a drug induced coma, isn't the way this weekend is supposed to go.

I had to step away for a moment. I went and made a cup of coffee, sat outside on the porch and turned on the radio and watched the fog roll over the side of the mountain and enjoyed the morning for what it was.

Cold.
Erie.
and Strangely Beautiful.

The reason I am coming undone is because I have never felt this "regret" to this extent, I have never felt like I am falling out of control. I am so disappointed in how I've let everything pan out and come to be. My life was supposed to be better than this.

You are Quoting . . .


and you thought you didn't know Shakespeare . . .

The quiet one

Tell-tale



a tell-tale is an indicator or a signal, some peoples actions and behaviors are as much a tell-tale as a pierced or hard nipple under a t-shirt.

Dare



Dare to walk to the beat of a different drummer and take the path less traveled 

my cat



she was beautiful.
and i loved her.

It is what it is

Unique Perspective

Millions of people share photos with their Twitter followers.

But few of these pictures are as spectacular as those uploaded to the site by Paolo Nespoli, who goes by the name 
@astro_paolo on Twitter. But then he has an almost unique vantage point - he is an astronaut aboard the International Space Station.

Every couple of days, he tweets pictures of Earth from space to his followers.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/magisstra/

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

morning person



It's not that I'm not a morning person, i just don't have the right kind of alarm clock. 

blowjobs

I don’t feel that putting my mouth on someone’s cock is an inherently submissive thing to do. It can be, but everything in sex is about context.

Don't Stop



It doesn't matter how slow you go, just don't stop.

Apparently



Joseph Gordon-Levitt


has grown the fuck up. I couldn't stand him on 3rd rock, but now that he is a bit older, damn he cleans up nice!

To me,

If sex doesn't feel vulgar, someone is holding out.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I am

Held For Ransom

Can you imagine what it would be like to be kidnapped and held hostage? Can you imagine how distraught you would be over being held hostage? Can you imagine how frustrated and restricted you would feel because of the limits that your captors had placed on you?

You would more than likely feel disoriented and lost. i think it is safe to say that being kidnapped and held hostage, uncertain of your fate would be an incredibly traumatic experience that none of us would ever want to be placed in.

Many people are being held hostage right now, and don’t even realize it, the interesting thing about it is that their captor is themselves. The reality is that many people are holding themselves hostage.

i only bring this up because i have been sitting here for the past few days spending 15 mins a whack, looking at other women’s profiles, be they slave or submissive. I have come to realize these women are placing a lot of conditions on their submission, in essence holding themselves back from a life they dream about in the process.

They are dictating limits to themselves, they are restricting their own freedom, and they feel lost and very uncertain of their fate. Like a typical hostage, they feel out of control. The self-imposed restrictions are not as obvious as they might be to a person who has been kidnapped, however they are there and they seem very real.

We in essence hold ourselves hostage. We deprive ourselves by placing artificial limits upon ourselves. Every now and then we can see the light peeking from under the blindfold, we know it’s there, we know that we want to see the light, we know that we want to break free, however we don’t. i see this all the time when it comes to women who are afraid to take that small step from hiding behind a screen to reality.

You can say that in many ways we develop Stockholm syndrome and we sympathize with our captor. We make excuses for why we should be in the position that we are and we make certain justifications for our behavior and we begin to believe the lies that our captor tells us. After all, the sweetest lies are the ones we tell ourselves. Even when the self-imposed binds of restriction are released we still act as if we are restricted. In fact, we begin to fear freedom and all that comes with it. Some people have held themselves captive for so long that they no longer recognize their authentic self. i myself am no exception, my Master has told me this, and i believe Him. He has said “i will push away the debris, to reveal the true you.”

i am very disturbed by how lifeless these people seem, especially when i know that most of what i see is self-imposed and that it could be corrected. These women could breathe new life into themselves if they would only awaken, if they only understood that there is so much more available to them than they realize and the dream of reality isn’t as farfetched as it seems.

You can decide to walk away from your captive anytime you like. You hold the ransom; you hold the keys to the cage you have put yourself in. It’s all up to you!

Fear

Happiness

The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.

Vending machines



At work, they have these vending machines that spit out safety equipment in case you lose the equipment you are issued. It reminds me of the vending machines we used to have at school that spit out pencils and paper.

wow, i'm old. 

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Houdini



The Illusionist


A working magician from the age of 17, Harry Houdini (née Ehrich Weisz) became America’s favorite magician and a world-renown legend for his daring escapes. It was only fitting, then, for this master trickster to die on October 31, 1926—from a ruptured appendix.

The Choice Of Love

This is a beautiful quote from Emmanuel's Book II, by Ram Doss.

What does the voice of fear
Whisper to you?

Fear speaks to you
in logic and reason.
It assumes the language of love itself.

Fear tells you,
"I want to make you safe."
Love says,"You are safe."

Fear says,
"Give me frozen images.
Give me something I can rely on."

Loving truth says,
"Only give me this moment."

Fear would walk you on a narrow path
Promising to take you where you want to go.

Love says,
"Open your arms and fly with me."

Every moment of your life
You are offered the opportunity to choose--
Love or fear,

To tread the earth or soar the heavens.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Tears

They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love.

The Company Of Wolves 1984




Little girls, this seems to say
Never stop upon the way
Never trust a stranger friend
No one knows where it may end
As you're pretty, so be wise
Wolves may lurk in every guise
Now as then, 'tis simple truth
Sweetest tongue hides sharpest tooth.

~Rosaleen (The Company of Wolves, 1984)

Friday, October 21, 2011

dwelling on the past



My ding a ling by Chuck Berry is a fairly silly song.
I used to hear it all the time when i was a child.
Growth and Inspiration come in a myriad of ways.
Below are the lyrics and a comment i wish to make.

The Lyrics

My Ding-A-Ling-A-Ling

When I was a little biddy boy
My grandmother bought me a cute little toy
Two Silver bells hanging on a string
She told me it was my ding-a-ling-a-ling

Oh My Ding-A-Ling Oh My Ding-A-Ling
I want you play with My Ding-A-Ling
Oh My Ding-A-Ling Oh My Ding-A-Ling
I want you play with My Ding-A-Ling

The momma took me to grammer school
But I stopped off at the vestabule
But Evertime that bell would ring
You'd catch me playing with my ding-a-ling

Oh My Ding-A-Ling Oh My Ding-A-Ling
I want you play with My Ding-A-Ling
Oh My Ding-A-Ling Oh My Ding-A-Ling
I want you play with My Ding-A-Ling

Once I was climbing the garden wall,
I slipped and had a terrible falll
I fell so hard I heard bells ring,
But I held on to My ding-a-ling!

Oh My Ding-A-Ling Oh My Ding-A-Ling
I want you play with My Ding-A-Ling
Oh My Ding-A-Ling Oh My Ding-A-Ling
I want you play with My Ding-A-Ling

Once I was swimmin across turtle creek
Man them snappers all around my feet
Sure was hard swimmin across that thing
with both hands holding my ding a ling


Oh My Ding-A-Ling Oh My Ding-A-Ling
I want you play with My Ding-A-Ling
Oh My Ding-A-Ling Oh My Ding-A-Ling
I want you play with My Ding-A-Ling

This here song it ain't so sad
it's the cutest little song ya`ll ever had
those of you who will not sing
you must be playing with your own Ding-a-ling!

------

i put a section in bold about swimming across a lake with both hands holding your ding a ling. I often view the past and the future like a lake you must swim across. With both hands on your past, you only make it hard to reach the other side and near impossible.

dwelling on the past, doesn't help you to reach your future.

Like i said, inspiration can come from a myriad of places.

People complicate things

Attention whores seek attention and do not care about who or what gets hurt or destroyed in the path to get that attention.

my time with my owner today, was given up for the likes of an attention whore. At first, it was a slight irritation nothing more and i laughed and joked it off.

As the night went on, my irritation became more and more and then turned into aggravation.

What makes this the worst of all . . .

i predicted this and i foresaw this happening, . . . i knew it was coming and i was powerless to stop it.

Had a conversation with my owner about how many things in life can drive us apart and keep us from one another. in which he said Life is Life. I responded with no, People is People.

Life isn't complicated and doesn't have to be.
People complicate things.

This was a prime example.

Boredom set in, and i became the victim.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Fire and Ice - another movie that shaped a slave

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARCE_ZpakFI

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice

by Robert Frost

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Dangerous Beauty 1998

Veronica Franco: [she's pealing a banana] The Latin for banana is arienna. Banana tree is pala.
[she swallows the banana whole, as the wives look on shocked]
Veronica Franco: A woman's greatest, and most hard-won asset... is an education.
Giulia De Lezze: Just because you can say it in Latin doesn't make it any less obscene.
Veronica Franco: Just because you took a vow doesn't mean you know how to love. 

Movies that have moved a slave

Dangerous Beauty 1998

A movie about a woman who was accused of witchcraft by the spanish inquisition because she was a courtesan.

The Lion in Winter

A movie about a King who locked his queen away in a tower, had another woman who he was trying to get an heir from because the three sons he had, were not fit to be king.

The taming of the shrew - Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton

A movie about an unruly woman who does not wish to be married and tamed and a husband who is strong enough to be the one who tames her.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Easy mark for Fraud

 A last observation having to do with the tendency of some Goreans to accept illusions and such as reality is that the Gorean tends to take such things as honor and  truth very seriously. Given his culture and background, his values, he is often easier to impose upon than would be many others. For example, he is likely, at least  upon occasion, to be an easier mark for the fraud and charlatan than a more suspicious, cynical fellow. On the other hand, I do not encourage lying to Goreans. They  do not like it. - page 255, Magicians of Gor

Should you or shouldn't you?

Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Judgement

We often judge ourselves based upon our intentions and we judge others based upon their actions. I wonder at times how better the world would be, if it were the other way around.

Anxiety

I'm convinced that this anxiety running through my life is the tension between what i "should be" and what "i am". My anxiety doesn't come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.  It seems to begin whenever i smuggle into my mind an expectation about how i or others should be. It is the tension between  my desire to control the world and the recognition that I can't.

Tomorrow I start my new job. I'm not going to be around much and i am already missing Master.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Realization

talking to my sister, i have come to realize i have not given a blow job since 2 days before new years.

Wow.

Just,

wow.

The last hour

http://theburninghouse.com/

This is a rather interesting website and i just spent over the last hour at it, looking through the many photos people have uploaded.

The premise is, if your house were to burn to the ground, what items would you take with you.

I love how not only do the items themselves speak about people, but how they actually arrange them and take the photo as well.

I shall soon take my own picture and upload to the website, myself.

Why did the chicken cross the road

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crosed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2011 which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ......... reboot.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

WaterBondage



Using balloons to drag the nipples up, not to mention it will probably keep moving and jerking around.

Inventive. Devious. Love it!

amicable ending


“i guess i’ll just have to fuck some sense into you, ” he said testily, when i told him that i thought the irish poems set to music that he shared with me were too stilted. i find it difficult to lie about art to him, and with a resolution like that, why would i?

still, it’s always one thing or another. he wanted me to drink from him. to carry him inside me. i wanted to wear him where i could feel him. in this, we stumbled easily on a compromise.

i wish that all of our disagreements could be settled so amicably

Oh Dear God

[Flash 10 is required to watch video]

You are making a mess


He frowned at her. “You’re making a mess,” he stated coolly.
Her entire body tightened and blushed at him pointing it out, for saying it out loud. Saying that her panties were so dampened to the point of transparency. For drawing attention to the fact that she couldn’t stop the wetness from trickling out of her.
He fetched the mat in front of the laundry machine in the basement, the very same one their dog, as a puppy, had slept on. As he rolled her onto it, her stomach clenched and she felt another flood of wetness gush from her. He walked behind her so she couldn’t see him, but minutes later, she felt hot jets of his orgasm splattering on her body. She cried out, wishing she could see him stroke himself.
“Do you know how hard I get,” he murmured, “knowing you simply just can’t control yourself? That this body…” Another pulse of semen landed on her breasts. “This body just stays wet for me?”

Gagging



His fingers around her neck felt her throat heaving, felt his cock tunnel down deep into the slender column. She had stopped her practiced coos and moans now, and was struggling in earnest to take him. She had thought she would be in control of him once she had her lips sealed around his dick, but now he was showing her just how powerfully in control of her he was, with her in this supplicant position. Gagging noises leaked from her as she choked a few times on his cock before he drew back slightly and then rammed forward again.

“Submission requires all your attention,” he said, petting her throat.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Clear Conscience

L. I. F. E.

LIVING

ISN'T

FUCKING

EASY

Friendship

I can't promise to fix all your problems.

I can promise you won't have to face them alone.

I don't believe in coincidence

I often tell my Master i do not believe in coincidence, that I am a strong believer in fate, or destiny.

Personal Note :

People often say ” If you’re really meant for each other,you’ll still end up together” such a cliche.

Don’t they realize that without EFFORT destiny is useless???

Love is . . .

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.

When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.

Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.

You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.

You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile.

Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

Loyalty


Loyalty is faithfulness or a devotion to a person.

Loyalty is willing in that it is freely given, not coerced. It is chosen after personal consideration, not something that one is born into. Loyalty is practical in that it is practiced. It is actively engaged upon, not passively expressed merely as a strong feeling about something. But feelings of loyalty are not constitutive of loyalty, even if it is unusual to find loyalty that is affectless. The test of loyalty is conduct rather than intensity of feeling, primarily a certain “stickingness” or perseverance — the loyal person acts for or stays with or remains committed to the object of loyalty even when it is likely to be disadvantageous or costly to the loyal person to do so. Loyalty is thorough going in that it is not merely a casual interest but a wholehearted commitment.

“It was worth a wound; it was worth many wounds; to know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask. The clear, hard eyes were dimmed for a moment, and the firm lips were shaking. For the one and only time I caught a glimpse of a great heart as well as of a great brain. All my years of humble but single-minded service culminated in that moment of revelation.”- The Sacrifice

Loyalty, Trust, & Love

We say that love demands a lot from you,
But reality suggests it is not at all true..
Two very simple things in love are a must,
One is devoted loyalty and a faithful trust..

Trust in your love make sure it is deep,
The returns you get is for you to keep..
The stronger the bond its harder to break,
Has to be so when there's so much at stake..

When in a relation, its trust that you need,
True belief in your love demands your heed..
Once broken to pieces is hardly rebuilt,
At times you have to live with the guilt..

Here loyalty too plays an important role,
Offers a soothing cohort to a longing soul..
Staying with your love in joy and sorrow,
Smiles you give and the tears you borrow..

In a relation, loyalty brings you close,
The faith you show, when beside you pose..
Just one false step of treacherous mind,
Cracks apart relations of every kind..

Sometimes these emotions are put to test,
Puts two hearts in a conflicting unrest..
One reason all problems are easy to shun,
Is trusting the loyalty of your loved one..

A relation in itself is a bond so strong,
Together you face all the right and wrong..
These factors decide how long it stands,
Here loyalty and trust walk hand in hands.


I laugh even harder when I try to explain why I'm laughing.

Lets call a spade, a spade

she was new to Gor, she made a statement about dismissing men. she sounded like a feminist who was burning her bra.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and when one is new, certain liberties are made and given.

"You may judge and scorn Goreans if you wish. Know as well, however, that they judge and scorn you. They fulfill themselves as you do not. Hate them for their pride and power. They will pity you for your shame and weakness"- Beasts of Gor, Pg. 11


However, in this case she just kept digging herself a deeper hole and my Master was getting more and more irritated and displeased.

He began to correct her way of thinking and to enlighten her as to the flaw in her way of thinking.

Another came to her rescue. Then began to argue with my owner before the female in question.


"Surely you do not think that her behavior fails to be subject to supervision and correction as soon as she is out of her Master's sight?'' - Magicians of Gor, pg. 225

What this interference reminded me of was when two parents argue before a child, uncertain how to handle things, uncertain as to a punishment, or a correction. They show disunity, and it allows the child to sit back, smug and grinning, because the two people in charge now argue amongst themselves and draw the attention off of where it should have been. The child and their behavior.

The reasoning behind the other mans interference, i shall never know. perhaps he wishes to teach her, perhaps he has an interest in her, perhaps he sees potential, perhaps he had struck up a deal to look out for her, perhaps she is a charge in his home, perhaps he is friends with her owner, perhaps he did not like the correction style, or what was being said to her or even how it was being said.  . . . the point is still the same . .


"We grow fond of our myths. Yet our myths are like walls of straw. Ultimately they must perish in the flames of truth." - Guardsman of Gor, pg. 257

The truth of the matter is simple:

Antipatriarchal thinking acknowledges the reality of biological differences between genders but recognizes that cultural conditioning has shown itself to be stronger than anatomy and that anatomy is not destiny. this is the exact opposite way of thinking according to the Gorean philosophy.

About Me

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I'm a great cook, but you'll probably fall in love with me the day I set the stove on fire with my creme brulee. I can argue a case as well as a lawyer, but you'll fall in love with me because of the silly faces I make

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