Deception and Confusement

It’s that I no longer know where I am. I seem to move around perfectly easily among people, to have perfectly normal relations with them.

Until the usual happens, that is.

She told me she was the submissive of a man offline, that online she was playing a Free Woman, a dominant. Perhaps, this explains why she argued with him in public, before his guests. Perhaps, this explains why she wishes to place herself above Free Men. Perhaps this is why she sits in the room and whines she is bored and yawns alot, when he is not giving her the attention she thinks she deserves. Perhaps, this is why she sought to tell my sister that when before both of them, she is to close her legs, placing her own sensitivities above his wishes. Perhaps, this is why when i gave her only the three basics of a serve to a stranger, she was upset with me and felt she was owed more.

yes Perhaps, to several other things of note and import . . .  yes Perhaps . . . .

Perhaps, it is why she showed her true colors at the end of the relationship, in her anger she pointed out her jealousy to him yelling how he always spends his time buried balls deep in the pussy of other slaves.

Is it possible, I ask myself, that all of them are participants in a crime of stupefying proportions?

Am I fantasizing it all?
I must be mad!

Yet every day I see the evidences. The very people I suspect produce the evidence, exhibit it, offer it to me, in plain view. Plain as the nose on their faces.

Corpses. Fragments of corpses, unknowing how to live, me unable to tell them how to.

"Do not ask the stones or the trees how to live, they can not tell you ; they do not have tongues; do not ask the wise man how to live for, if he knows , he will know he cannot tell you; if you would learn how to live , do not ask the question; its answer is not in the question but in the answer, which is not in words; do not ask how to live, but, instead, proceed to do so."

Page 9 - Magicians of Gor

Am I dreaming, I say to myself?

Yet I am not dreaming. I look into your eyes.

Calm down, I tell myself, you are making a mountain out of a molehill. This is life. Everyone else comes to terms with it, why can’t you? Why can’t you?”

Because, I am not deceiving anyone, i am what i claim to be, and their behavior confuses me. i see no profit, no gain, to what they are doing.

it baffles me to no end.