I find it all ironic. . . .

Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life. Aug 23rd was a Tuesday

Surrender is the only option

I recently made a post about betrayal, and how it made me feel. I also recently had a conversation about it, in which I opened up again about how I feel about the subject of Honest, Trust, Loyalty and Betrayal in which someone else told me this . . .

I am putting it here to remind myself of what it means to surrender and what must happen for that to take place.

<Name Left Blank> In my opinion there are two things that stand in the way of a kajira's surrender
<Name Left Blank> When she does not know the nature of the person she is giving away. And when she does not know the nature of the person she is giving herself to.
<Name Left Blank> Being lied to is in the second category.
<Name Left Blank> For surrender you need trust. And for trust you need a man strong enough to be honest.
<Name Left Blank> When you lie to someone you mold the world around their expectations, and you are a slave to them and to the situation.

Very Interesting points, indeed.

I thought the issue was my jealousy  . . . .  apparently it isn't.

An Investment

I went into the city today and gave into buying some shoes. 120 dollar shoes. Shoes that are ugly beyond comprehension. Now that I am working, I walk about 5 miles a day at least. I had to invest in them.

Alegria Paloma Shoes

Fear

I feel like I have a muzzle on my mouth that I chose to put there for safety purposes, but I don't like it at all because that's just not who I am. I want to rip it off!!! The truth is...I'm afraid to. My solace is in knowing that my true self will ultimately win over my fear

zombies

Observation

the longest days are the ones spent waiting for the one you love.

Respect

I really respect those who stay strong when they had every right to breakdown.

Investment Insurance

Pardon me if it seems like I'm always sweating you
I just feel I gotta do it before I start investing in you

my heart

My heart is a mermaid with a necklace of anchors

ya know . . .

The problem isn't that we don't get to spend any time together anymore . . . .

it's when we are together,

neither of us are really there.

sighs . . . .

off to the grind stone . . . .

The quiet one

morning person

It's not that I'm not a morning person, i just don't have the right kind of alarm clock. 

I am

Happiness

The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.

Tears

They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love.

dwelling on the past

My ding a ling by Chuck Berry is a fairly silly song.
I used to hear it all the time when i was a child.
Growth and Inspiration come in a myriad of ways.
Below are the lyrics and a comment i wish to make.

The Lyrics

My Ding-A-Ling-A-Ling

When I was a little biddy boy
My grandmother bought me a cute little toy
Two Silver bells hanging on a string
She told me it was my ding-a-ling-a-ling

Oh My Ding-A-Ling Oh My Ding-A-Ling
I want you play with My Ding-A-Ling
Oh My Ding-A-Ling Oh My Ding-A-Ling
I want you play with My Ding-A-Ling

The momma took me to grammer school
But I stopped off at the vestabule
But Evertime that bell would ring
You'd catch me playing with my ding-a-ling

Oh My Ding-A-Ling Oh My Ding-A-Ling
I want you play with My Ding-A-Ling
Oh My Ding-A-Ling Oh My Ding-A-Ling
I want you play with My Ding-A-Ling

Once I was climbing the garden wall,
I slipped and had a terrible falll
I fell so hard I heard bells ring,
But I held on to My ding-a-ling!

Oh My Ding-A-Ling Oh My Ding-A-Ling
I want you play with My Ding-A-Ling
Oh My Ding-A-Ling Oh My Ding-A-Ling
I want you play with My Ding-A-Ling

Once I was swimmin across turtle creek
Man them snappers all around my feet
Sure was hard swimmin across that thing
with both hands holding my ding a ling


Oh My Ding-A-Ling Oh My Ding-A-Ling
I want you play with My Ding-A-Ling
Oh My Ding-A-Ling Oh My Ding-A-Ling
I want you play with My Ding-A-Ling

This here song it ain't so sad
it's the cutest little song ya`ll ever had
those of you who will not sing
you must be playing with your own Ding-a-ling!

------

i put a section in bold about swimming across a lake with both hands holding your ding a ling. I often view the past and the future like a lake you must swim across. With both hands on your past, you only make it hard to reach the other side and near impossible.

dwelling on the past, doesn't help you to reach your future.

Like i said, inspiration can come from a myriad of places.

Should you or shouldn't you?

Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD

Anxiety

I'm convinced that this anxiety running through my life is the tension between what i "should be" and what "i am". My anxiety doesn't come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.  It seems to begin whenever i smuggle into my mind an expectation about how i or others should be. It is the tension between  my desire to control the world and the recognition that I can't.

Tomorrow I start my new job. I'm not going to be around much and i am already missing Master.

Realization

talking to my sister, i have come to realize i have not given a blow job since 2 days before new years.

Wow.

Just,

wow.

Clear Conscience